It's time for the fifth installment of The Mike Show. This is the segment of this blog where one can read actual dialog from my past.
Today we go back to 1976. This story is going to sound like I'm trying to be funny, but I assure you, I'm not. What you are about to read actually happened. It might sound like a bad Abbott and Costello routine, but it's all true.
I got a job working the graveyard shift at Kraft Foods. We had to wear uniforms with name tags. Now my legal name is John, not Mike. (It's a long story, not worth explaining) Anyway, I tried to tell my supervisor that even though my legal name is John, I would like to be called Mike. So we went to get name tags and this is what happened.
SUPERVISOR: This is John, but he want's to be called Ron.
MIKE: What?
NAME TAG GUY: I don't have any Ron name tags.
MIKE: I'll just take John.
(Later, when my supervisor introduced me to my co-worker)
SUPERVISOR: This is Ron.
CO-WORKER: Nice to meet you Don.
I later ran into a guy that I went to high school with and he knew me as Mike, so for four years everyone called me John, except my supervisor who called me Ron, the guy I worked with my first night who called my Don and the guy I went to high school with who called me Mike. So depending on who I was with, for four years I answered to John, Ron, Don and Mike
True story.
Showing posts with label The Mike Show. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Mike Show. Show all posts
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
The Mike Show: Episode 4 - The Japanese Tourist
Welcome to the fourth installment of The Mike Show. Here is where you can read actual dialog from my past.
Today's adventure didn't really happen to me, but I was there and I witnessed it. The year was 1979 and I was living in New York City. I was at a bus stop waiting for the next bus. There was this elderly woman standing next to me. All of a sudden this car full of Japanese men pulled up to us. Here is the actual dialog that took place.
JAPANESE MAN: Excuse me. Can you tell me where the Chrysler Building is?
ELDERLY WOMAN: You found Pearl Harbor, you can find the Chrysler Building.
JAPANESE MAN: Thank you.
(The car drives off. Mike just stands there)
Keep checking The Mike Show part of this blog for more strange adventures from my past.
Today's adventure didn't really happen to me, but I was there and I witnessed it. The year was 1979 and I was living in New York City. I was at a bus stop waiting for the next bus. There was this elderly woman standing next to me. All of a sudden this car full of Japanese men pulled up to us. Here is the actual dialog that took place.
JAPANESE MAN: Excuse me. Can you tell me where the Chrysler Building is?
ELDERLY WOMAN: You found Pearl Harbor, you can find the Chrysler Building.
JAPANESE MAN: Thank you.
(The car drives off. Mike just stands there)
Keep checking The Mike Show part of this blog for more strange adventures from my past.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
The Mike Show: Episode 3 - The Pick Up
Welcome to the third installment of The Mike Show. This is where you can read actual scenes from my past. I only include the strange ones, so sit back and enjoy.
Today's episode takes place in 1981. I was living in New York City. I had nothing to do this particular evening, so I went to visit my friend Gus the bartender at the bar where he worked. I was sitting at the bar and I noticed this woman alone in the booth behind me.
I was getting ready to leave for the night, when this woman bought me a drink. I went over to thank her and ended up sharing several more drinks with her. It was getting late and she asked if I could walk her home. I did.
We got to her apartment and she asked if I wanted to come up. I did. We got in the elevator and went to her room on the 11th floor. This is what happened in the room.
(Mike puts his arms around the woman and kisses her. She kisses him back. They kiss some more. Then all of a sudden...)
WOMAN: Get out!
MIKE: What?
WOMAN: You heard me. Get out!
MIKE: What's wrong?
WOMAN: Get out!
MIKE: What'd I do?
WOMAN: If you don't leave I'll start screaming!
MIKE: What?
WOMAN: I'm serious!
MIKE: What?
WOMAN: I'll scream!
MIKE: Why?
(The woman starts screaming at the top of her lungs)
MIKE: Okay, okay. I'm leaving.
(Mike leaves her apartment and waits for the elevator. All of a sudden the woman opens her door)
WOMAN: Sunday night. Eight o'clock.
(The woman slams the door. Mike doesn't wait for the elevator. He takes the stairs and runs home)
True story and the dialog is as close to word for word as I can remember. I never saw her again. I don't know what would have happened that Sunday night at eight o'clock, but my guess is that I would either be dead or on Candid Camera.
Welcome to the freak show of my past. Stay tuned to this blog for more episodes of The Mike Show.
Today's episode takes place in 1981. I was living in New York City. I had nothing to do this particular evening, so I went to visit my friend Gus the bartender at the bar where he worked. I was sitting at the bar and I noticed this woman alone in the booth behind me.
I was getting ready to leave for the night, when this woman bought me a drink. I went over to thank her and ended up sharing several more drinks with her. It was getting late and she asked if I could walk her home. I did.
We got to her apartment and she asked if I wanted to come up. I did. We got in the elevator and went to her room on the 11th floor. This is what happened in the room.
(Mike puts his arms around the woman and kisses her. She kisses him back. They kiss some more. Then all of a sudden...)
WOMAN: Get out!
MIKE: What?
WOMAN: You heard me. Get out!
MIKE: What's wrong?
WOMAN: Get out!
MIKE: What'd I do?
WOMAN: If you don't leave I'll start screaming!
MIKE: What?
WOMAN: I'm serious!
MIKE: What?
WOMAN: I'll scream!
MIKE: Why?
(The woman starts screaming at the top of her lungs)
MIKE: Okay, okay. I'm leaving.
(Mike leaves her apartment and waits for the elevator. All of a sudden the woman opens her door)
WOMAN: Sunday night. Eight o'clock.
(The woman slams the door. Mike doesn't wait for the elevator. He takes the stairs and runs home)
True story and the dialog is as close to word for word as I can remember. I never saw her again. I don't know what would have happened that Sunday night at eight o'clock, but my guess is that I would either be dead or on Candid Camera.
Welcome to the freak show of my past. Stay tuned to this blog for more episodes of The Mike Show.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
The Mike Show: Episode 2 - Boy on the Bus
It's time for another look back into the strange world of bizarre occurrences that have plagued me my entire life.
It was around 1976. I was on a bus to Tennessee to visit an old friend. The bus stopped somewhere in southern Illinois to pick up more passengers. A mentally retarded boy got on the bus and sat next to me. (I know that "mentally challenged" is the politically correct way to describe this boy, but this was 1976 and we did not talk like that back then).
Anyway, this is what happened about thirty minutes into the ride.
BOY: You have nice hair.
MIKE: Uh...thank you.
BOY: Can I pet your hair?
MIKE: Uh...ok.
(The boy starts petting Mike's hair)
BOY: I don't feel good.
(The boy throws up all over Mike)
MIKE: Uh...bus driver?
This true story is just a small clip from my life and there are many more to come. Just keep checking this blog for The Mike Show.
It was around 1976. I was on a bus to Tennessee to visit an old friend. The bus stopped somewhere in southern Illinois to pick up more passengers. A mentally retarded boy got on the bus and sat next to me. (I know that "mentally challenged" is the politically correct way to describe this boy, but this was 1976 and we did not talk like that back then).
Anyway, this is what happened about thirty minutes into the ride.
BOY: You have nice hair.
MIKE: Uh...thank you.
BOY: Can I pet your hair?
MIKE: Uh...ok.
(The boy starts petting Mike's hair)
BOY: I don't feel good.
(The boy throws up all over Mike)
MIKE: Uh...bus driver?
This true story is just a small clip from my life and there are many more to come. Just keep checking this blog for The Mike Show.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
The Mike Show : Episode 1 - The Crazy Lady
Sometimes scenes from my life flash by me like a clip from an old television show. There is no rhyme or reason as to which segment from my life will pop up. Ususally it's something crazy that just happened out of the blue. When this occurs I try to remember the dialog as close to word for word as I can, so as to take myself on a brief trip back in time.
The following is one of those strange mental clips that suddenly appeared in the front row of my memory. This is a true story. Warning. It has no beginning, middle or end. It is what it is, and what it is...actually happened.
It was around 1980 or '81. I was living in New York City and minding my own business walking down Broadway on my way home from work, when this woman approached me.
WOMAN: Stop it!
MIKE: What?
WOMAN: You heard me. Stop it! Stop it!
MIKE: Stop what?
WOMAN: You're raping me with your eyes.
MIKE: What?
(The woman then punches Mike in the Stomach several times)
MIKE: Owwww!
Welcome to one brief flash of my life. There are many more, just as strange. I will post more of these from time to time. Why? I don't know. They're just mental clips from the television show that is my life. I call it The Mike Show. Stay tuned.
The following is one of those strange mental clips that suddenly appeared in the front row of my memory. This is a true story. Warning. It has no beginning, middle or end. It is what it is, and what it is...actually happened.
It was around 1980 or '81. I was living in New York City and minding my own business walking down Broadway on my way home from work, when this woman approached me.
WOMAN: Stop it!
MIKE: What?
WOMAN: You heard me. Stop it! Stop it!
MIKE: Stop what?
WOMAN: You're raping me with your eyes.
MIKE: What?
(The woman then punches Mike in the Stomach several times)
MIKE: Owwww!
Welcome to one brief flash of my life. There are many more, just as strange. I will post more of these from time to time. Why? I don't know. They're just mental clips from the television show that is my life. I call it The Mike Show. Stay tuned.
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